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Clemson University Discovers the Cure to Building Occupation By Radicals

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Prior to this recent discovery, the research at Clemson found that ping pong balls used for beer pong are covered with bacteria.  That means someone swilling huge amounts of beer during the drinking game had better hope that all that alcohol cleanses the body of all those bacterium.  Comparatively, their cure for building occupation is much more simpler.  It ‘s called arrestumol.  In clinical tests it has been proven effective in 9 out of 10 cases.

During the occupation of Sikes Hall which houses the offices of the college president, James P. Clements.  Officials at the school warned the students that they would be subject to arrest if they failed to vacate the premises at 5:30 PM, which is when the public building closes.  At 5:30, the police entered and arrested the five remaining holdouts, Adrian Lydell Carson, Jeremy Ian Anderson, Darien Jamal Smith, Me’khayla Oneal Williams and Rae-Nessha Nichole White.   The police cited and released all five on charges of with trespassing on public premises outside of ordinary business hours.

Prior to the arrest, Clements had issued a statement, part of which reads:

“Dear Clemson Family: Diversity Update” just before the five students were arrested.

“This week has seen positive activities regarding Diversity and Inclusion at Clemson University,” Clements wrote. “Let me take this opportunity to recap a number of other initiatives that have taken place and continue to occur at Clemson University.”

The students, who call themselves “See the Stripes” have issued demands which include, “prosecute criminally predatory behaviors and defamatory speech”.  The university cannot give in to this demand as a pesky little thing called the constitution guarantees free speech.  The want a campus building to be used as a “safe space” available only for minorities so they can get away from the segregationists at the university.  I’m not even going to mention the irony in that demand.  Then there is one demand I agree with.  Renaming Tilden Hall, which was named after a racist democratic politician, Benjamin “Pitchfork Ben” Tillman.

The students vow to continue their protests until all of their demands are met.  Not bloody likely.

 

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