Ok, this has to be one of the worst break-up’s ever. This breakup story comes from Reddit User Buscemis_Weird_Tooth.I beg of you, do not try this at home
So, I had been seeing this girl for several months. I had made it very clear to her that I wasn’t interested in a serious relationship and this was just a companionship/sex arrangement. She wasn’t a fan of this, but she went along with it anyway.
The problem with this girl is that she was incredibly boring. Her stories made baby seals club themselves. Her voice made me want to drive into oncoming traffic. She was a sweet girl, but SO fucking boring. It had become very apparent that the amount of effort it took for me to even be around her was overtaking the less-than-stellar sex we were having. I needed to get out.
It was agreed upon that I would go out to see her after I left work one night. I felt like I owed her a face-to-face so that I can offer closure and an explanation as to why I didn’t want to continue seeing her. I get to her friend’s place (where she was staying), she got in the car and we went for a drive.
After maybe 5 or so miles, I pull into a parking lot so that we could actually talk. I break the news to her that I don’t think we should continue our arrangement any longer. She didn’t take this well and walked out of the car. We were at least 5 miles from her place and I knew her cell battery had just died, so I asked her to get back into the car and I’ll drive her home. I wish I wouldn’t have done that.
On the drive home she remained very quiet. I was pouring out cliches as to why I didn’t want to see her. It’s not you, it’s me, you’re a great girl and you’ll find better, I’m actually doing you a favor. You get the point. I should mention here that the road I was driving on was a connector between two towns so the speed limit was 50, but I’d typically do 60-65 through that stretch. On this particular night, I elected to do 45 so that I had a little extra time to give her some closure.
I had just regurgitated another cliche for her when the unthinkable happened. Without a single warning or a single word from her mouth, she opened up the car door and dove out at 45 MPH. I immediately stop the car and begin running back while calling 911. She wasn’t moving so I thought she was dead.
As I ran up next to her, she began to move and cry. I immediately went from concerned to boiling blood furious. Between giving directions to the 911 operator, I was yelling at her asking her why she jumped out of my car. She kept saying she didn’t know what happened.
After a few minutes, police and ambulance show. Ambulance workers tend to her, police berate me with questions. I’m no prize, so the cops were equally confused as to why a seemingly normal girl jumps out of a fast moving car.
I was so embarrassed as a crowd began to form to see what the commotion was. At this point, the cops are giving me a sobriety test. I’m still in my work clothes. The ambulance takes here away and cops determine I wasn’t drunk and told me to just go home.
6 hours later she texts me a picture of her face from her hospital bed! She had some bad road rash and a few broken bones. I didn’t respond and haven’t spoken to her since.
Yeah buddy we suggest you run far away!