The year was 1996 and I had just bought a secluded house, where my only neighbors was the graveyard next door. I knew that I would not get any trick or treaters and I had decided just to stay at home rather than fight the holiday traffic in order to attend any of the parties planned for the night. I spent part of the day making a couple of small platters of my favorite snacks and stocked the refrigerator with Diet Pepsi. I placed a small pile of videos on top of my television and I surveyed my apartment satisfied that I was prepared for the evening.
Before the sun set beyond the mountains, the dark clouds began to fill the sky. In any other year, that would have indicated a heavy snowfall, but this was an unusual year with temperatures well above normal. I could not have imagined just how different this year was going to be. I turned on the deep fryer so that I could make myself a plate of buffalo wings that I had prepared earlier in the day. In the living room, I set up a couple of heavy duty TV trays and supplied each with several paper towels , with a warm wet wash cloth on the tray that would hold my wings.
By 8:00 that evening I was ready to go. I changed into some comfortable lay about the house clothes, popped in a video of The Saw and kicked back to enjoy my evening. I could hear the rain falling outside and I moved to the front door to look outside. The night air was warm but a cool breeze swept down the mountain. Halloween began working on my mind and I swear I saw shadows moving furiously in and around the graveyard. I could feel the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I tried to laugh it off. I closed the door and locked the door, including the two dead bolt locks.
I was well into the movie, when I began hearing distant booms from outside as a rare October thunderstorm made it’s way in my direction. I wasn’t concerned because I figured it would only enhance the mystique of the night. But as the storm got closer, the lights blinked a couple of times and I was kicking myself for never buying candles or flashlights in case the power ever went off. I imagined noises coming from the crawl space beneath the house and then suddenly the lights went out and the storm outside intensified.
I heard a strange noise outside and using my lighter, I was able to find my way to the front door. Pulling the curtains back, I looked outside when a flash of lightening hit and I swore I saw a shadow moving across my lawn. Still using the lighter, I grabbed a plate off one of the trays and carry it into the kitchen and put it away in the refrigerator. Before I could get the second tray, I thought I heard a knock on the door. My house was the last one on a dead end road and I wasn’t expecting anyone. I decided to ignore it.
Then the knocking became progressively louder until I could no longer ignore it. Perhaps someone had gotten lost and had driven into a ditch. They might need help. I refused to give into my fears. Once again, I used my lighter to find my way to the front door. I disengaged all of the locks and swung the door open. I couldn’t make out what was at my door except that it was very short and very wide.
just then a flash of lightening illuminated my yard and I could see what was at my door. I screamed, my blood ran cold and I broke into a cold sweat. There at my door was Janet Reno and she was wearing a teddy. Suddenly I could see what she had in her cold clammy hands. It was a box of twelve dozen condoms. I wet myself and remember calling for my mama.
To this day I cannot sleep with the lights off. Oh, the humanity.