Global warming is unconstitutional.

That’s what a federal judge ruled in a case where a bunch of kids filed a lawsuit against the federal government and the energy industry in perhaps the silliest case in years.

Federal District Court Judge Thomas Coffin ruled Friday that the federal government is violating the Constitutional rights of the plaintiffs – all between 8 and 19 years old – by burning fossil fuels and causing global warming that will harm them in the future.

The kids made the argument – which the judge bought – that their “equal protection rights” in the Fifth Amendment and their “implicit right” in the Ninth Amendment, were being violated because carbon dioxide emissions are “are infringing the plaintiffs’ right to life and liberty in violation of their substantive due process rights.”

“Plaintiffs also allege defendants have violated plaintiffs’ equal protection rights embedded in the Fifth Amendment by denying them protections afforded to previous generations and by favoring short term economic interests of certain citizens,” the judge wrote.

“Plaintiffs further allege defendants’ acts and omissions violate the implicit right, via the Ninth Amendment, to a stable climate and an ocean and atmosphere free from dangerous levels of C02,” Coffin wrote. “Finally, plaintiffs allege defendants have violated a public trust doctrine, secured by the Ninth Amendment, by denying future generations essential natural resources.

“Accordingly, the court should decline to dismiss the complaint for failure to allege a substantive due process claim.”

The lawsuit was filed by a group called “Earth Guardians,” apparently led by a self-described “15-year-old indigenous change agent” with the name Xiuhtezcatl Tonatiuh Martinez.

Martinez – an American Indian kid from Colorado who doubles as a hip-hop artist – claims that he’s suffering great harm by the continued use of “fossil fuels.”

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