The FBI is reporting that twice as many Americans are beaten to death with hands and feet than are shot with rifles. Hillary Clinton immediately called for the banning of feet and fists, while Chuck Schumer offered up a bill allowing the victims of these beatings to sue God for manufacturing these weapons of death. (I’d love to know how they propose to collect) Black Lives Matter are blocking all roads leading to podiatry clinics and demand that police no longer be allowed to carry hands or feet. Their new motto will be “Hands Up..Don’t Foot” Barack Obama condemns the beatings and suggests that suicide vests are much more humane.
The FBI reports that the total number of people shot and killed by a rifle in 2014 was 251. The number of people beaten by hands and feet, baseball bats and tire irons was 670. New cars are always equipped with a new tire iron, but to avoid litigation, anyone wishing to buy a new or used car must either agree to forego the tire iron or submit to a background check. Baseball bats will have to come with safety locks and must be kept in a safe when not in use. If you are caught jay walking, the police will have the right to confiscate your feet and you will have to undergo a long expensive legal process to get them back.
Hollywood stars will threaten to leave the country unless the APMA, (American Podiatric Medical Association) who are the anti-Christs aren’t disbanded. George Clooney can throw another fundraiser to finance RICO charges against them. Whenever a Hollywood star makes four or five bombs in a row, they can demonize the APMA in a last ditch effort to revive their career. Mayor Bloomberg can spend millions of dollars sponsoring candidates who promise to outlaw hands and feet.
Justice must be served.