While Hillary was speaking to Laborers’ International Union of North America, she screeched that she should be ahead by 50 points. She can’t figure out why she isn’t. Being the helpful guy that I am, let me see if I can clear it up:
1. Monica Lewinsky: Led to only the second president in American history to be impeached.
2. Benghazi: Four Americans killed, an entire system of weak diplomatic security uncloaked, and the credibility of a president and his secretary of state damaged.
3. Asia fundraising scandal: More than four dozen convicted in a scandal that made the Lincoln bedroom, White House donor coffees and Buddhist monks infamous.
4. Hillary’s private emails: Hundreds of national secrets already leaked through private email and the specter of a criminal probe looming large.
5. Whitewater: A large S&L failed and several people went to prison.
6. Travelgate: The firing of the career travel office was the very first crony capitalism scandal of the Clinton era.
7. Humagate: An aide’s sweetheart job arrangement.
8. Pardongate: The first time donations were ever connected as possible motives for presidential pardons.
9. Foundation favors: Revealing evidence that the Clinton Foundation was a pay-to-play back door to the State Department, and an open checkbook for foreigners to curry favor.
10. Mysterious files: The disappearance and re-discovery of Hillary’s Rose Law Firm records.
11. Filegate: The Clinton use of FBI files to dig for dirt on their enemies.
12. Hubble trouble: The resignation and imprisonment of Hillary law partner Web Hubbell.
13. The Waco tragedy: One of the most lethal exercises of police power in American history.
14. The Clinton’s Swedish slush fund: $26 million collected overseas with little accountability and lots of questions about whether contributors got a pass on Iran sanctions.
15. Troopergate: From the good old days, did Arkansas state troopers facilitate Bill Clinton’s philandering?
16. Gennifer Flowers: The tale that catapulted a supermarket tabloid into the big time.
17. Bill’s Golden Tongue: His and her speech fees shocked the American public.
18. Boeing Bucks: Boeing contributed big-time to Bill; Hillary helped the company obtain a profitable Russian contract.
19. Larry Lawrence: How did a fat cat donor get buried in Arlington National Cemetery without war experience?
20. The cattle futures: Hillary as commodity trader extraordinaire.
21. Chinagate: Nuclear secrets go to China on her husband’s watch.
Flunked the D.C. Bar Exam.
• Was removed from her House Judiciary Committee staffer job because of incompetence and lying.
• The Whitewater scandal.
• Married a serial liar and cheater, who occasionally had sexual encounters with nonconsenting partners.
• Lied about “sniper fire” in an attempt to simulate exposure to danger in a war zone.
The subject of a “vast right-wing conspiracy” that led to the impeachment and disbarment of her husband
• Took crockery, furniture, artwork and other items from the White House — had to return and/or pay for them.
• Said “what difference, at this point, does it make” about four brave people killed in Libya as a direct result of her failure to protect them on the anniversary of 9/11.
• Totally ignored the structure and rules for the handling of sensitive national security information.
• Amassed a personal fortune with “speaking fees” and payments from private sector political donors and foreign governments into transparent “foundations” in obvious exchange for future political favor.
Two conclusions emerge from this nefarious list of “accomplishments”:
More than anything else, Hillary’s campaign is counting on the “newer” American voters to simply not remember her and Bill’s checkered political and legal past. Accordingly, we can expect a Republican campaign replay of the 1990s: Bill’s Impeachment, the Star investigation, Bill’s disbarment for lying, her Rose Law Firm partner going to jail — and on and on and on — as supplemented by her latest scandals: Benghazi, “speaking” fees and classified emails.
So, is Hillary “really” qualified to be president, or is it just a lie she believes after so many years with “slick Willy” and a series of political jobs?
THINGS YOU CAN TRUST MORE THAN HILLARY
- Expired milk
- Truck stop sushi
- Love letters from inmates
- Facebook’s respect for free speech
- Someone asking you for your Social Security number over the phone
- That Nigerian prince asking you for money on the Internet
- That camera in the bathroom
- Taking a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time
- Being the only girl in a room full of Syrian refugees
- Investigative journalism by Rolling Stone magazine
- Michael Vick dog sitting
- Dick Cheney behind you with a shotgun
- O.J. Simpson with a glove and a knife
- Elizabeth Warren’s Native American DNA
- Vince Foster’s “suicide” note
- Carpooling with Ted Kennedy
- A blood transfusion from Charlie Sheen
- Having Bernie Madoff as your financial adviser
- A prostate exam from Captain Hook
Hillary, do you have any further questions?